My Number One

Yesterday at church we had a lesson about marriage.  The teacher asked the class, "What are some of the things you're doing to keep your marriage strong?"  I love that he asked that question, I loved hearing class members' responses, and I've since been thinking about some of the things we do.

Jeffrey Holland, when he was president of BYU, gave a speech titled "However Long and Hard the Road."  (You can read the whole thing here: it's one of my very favorites).  In it, he says:

"No one would wish a bad marriage on anyone.  But where do we think 'good marriages' come from?  They don't spring full-blown from the head of Zeus any more than does a good education...or a good symphony.  Why would a marriage require fewer tears and less toil and shabbier commitment than your job or your clothes or your car?"

TJ and I both feel like we have a fantastic marriage.  We have had loads of fights, shed lots of tears, and quite a few sleepless nights working through things.  But we keep working through things.  If we were to summarize the motto we strive for in our marriage, and in our parenting for that matter, it's "Be deliberate."  I feel lucky every day that TJ and I are equally committed to a strong, loving, fulfilling marriage.

So, to answer that instructor's question, we do things like sit down weekly (most weeks) and discuss not only our schedule but also our goals and what we want and need to work on.  We pray together every day.  We talk.  We hug and kiss and text and make dinner together in the evening.  We verbalize our love and adoration and support over and over and over and over again.  We go on dates.  We go to classes.  We go to church.  We go on vacations.  We take evening walks together, holding hands.  We watch General Conference together.  We ask the other what we can do for them.  We show physical affection.  We go out of our way to notice and thank each other for the things we see them doing for us.

Since becoming parents the way we spend our time each day has shifted: there is a whole of time and effort and energy that goes into raising little Reed.  Frankly, that shift was one of my biggest worries in preparing for his arrival.  I feel an immense desire to make sure TJ always knows that he's my number one: my very top priority.  Reed will one day move out (can't think about that right now), and when the kids are gone I want my marriage with TJ to be more satisfying and beautiful than ever.

What sorts of things are you doing to keep your marriage strong?  Or, if you're not married, how do you strengthen other relationships in your life?